For 55 years, I believed the man I loved had disappeared in Vietnam. Every year, I flew to his memorial with a white rose, still keeping the promise I’d made to him at 21. But on my latest flight, the captain suddenly called my name over the speaker and said something that made my heart stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was twenty-one when Thomas disappeared over Vietnam. I’m seventy-six now, and until last Tuesday, I thought the worst thing he’d ever done was die without saying goodbye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told him engineers made terrible boyfriends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We met in college when I was eighteen. He offered to split a cup of coffee with me. He had fifty cents. I had twenty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s not half,” I told him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m an engineering student. I can make the numbers work.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was studying literature. He claimed novels were naive things full of people who could solve their problems by speaking honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told him engineers made terrible boyfriends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He proved me wrong for three years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone expected us to marry after graduation. We expected it too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas remembered everything. My exams, my mother’s birthday, how I hated raisins in cookies. When my father lost his job, Thomas quietly delivered groceries and said his aunt had bought too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His aunt lived in another state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone expected us to marry after graduation. We expected it too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During our second year together, Thomas finished college, joined the military, and began training as a pilot. We kept our relationship going through letters and whatever time we could steal together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’ll get you a proper engagement ring when I get back.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’ll get you a proper engagement ring when I get back,” he told me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Will you do the proposal properly, too? You already asked me badly about six times.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Practice makes perfect.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The night before he deployed, we sat on my parents’ porch until the lights went out inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He pressed his forehead against mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Six months later, Thomas’s mother called and asked me to come over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Don’t let me become some sad story you tell when you’re old.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then come back.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I will.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Six months later, Thomas’s mother called and asked me to come over. Two officers were sitting in her living room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His aircraft had disappeared during a mission. They had no confirmed crash site and no body. His status was missing in action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When American prisoners began returning home that year, I searched every list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked whether he might be a prisoner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We can’t rule that out,” one officer said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For years, those words were enough to keep me waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas’s parents moved out of state the following year. We exchanged a few letters, but by 1973, we’d lost touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When American prisoners began returning home that year, I searched every list our local newspaper printed. Thomas’s name wasn’t among the names I saw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few men asked me out. Some were kind enough that I wished I could love them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a while, I couldn’t bear another disappointment. I stopped looking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I finished school. I taught English. I traveled when I could and became the aunt who brought ridiculous birthday presents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few men asked me out. Some were kind enough that I wished I could love them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ruth, my sister, once said, “You can miss Thomas and still have a life.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I have a life.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got angry with her, although she hadn’t been cruel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I know. I just wish you’d let someone share it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got angry with her, although she hadn’t been cruel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually, she stopped asking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wasn’t unhappy every day. I loved my students, enjoyed my family, and made a life I was proud of. But whenever I saw a plane overhead, I blew it a kiss and pressed my palm to my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days before this year’s visit, Ruth’s granddaughter, Natalie, offered to come with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every year on Thomas’s birthday, I traveled to a memorial honoring those still missing from the war. I brought one white rose and an old photograph of us outside the college library.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told him about my year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes I scolded him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You promised, remember?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, he never answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish now that I’d let her come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days before this year’s visit, Ruth’s granddaughter, Natalie, offered to come with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m perfectly capable of traveling alone,” I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I know. I’m offering company, not supervision.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nearly accepted. Then I told her I preferred the quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish now that I’d let her come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I stepped into the small airport’s arrivals hall, I noticed a man standing near the only exit, holding a photograph.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The flight was uneventful. The woman beside me spent most of it showing me photographs of her son’s wedding preparations. By the time we landed, I’d seen eleven pictures of table decorations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Normal things. A normal morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when I stepped into the small airport’s arrivals hall, I noticed a man standing near the only exit, holding a photograph.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I recognized it immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A copy of the same photograph I carried in my purse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas and me, standing outside our college library.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A copy of the same photograph I carried in my purse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stopped walking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man looked up from the picture. He was in his thirties, with dark eyes and a crooked smile that made my stomach tighten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Ms. Eleanor?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Where did you get that?” I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Who is your grandfather?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He glanced at the photograph.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“My grandfather gave it to me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Who is your grandfather?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“His name is Thomas.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gripped the handle of my suitcase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Thomas was my fianc\u00e9.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m Daniel. His grandson.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then who are you?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m Daniel. His grandson.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s impossible.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel took a breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked where Thomas had been found, how long he’d been missing, whether he’d been imprisoned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He’s alive, Ms. Eleanor. And he asked me to bring you to him.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a moment, I couldn’t understand the words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Alive?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked where Thomas had been found, how long he’d been missing, whether he’d been imprisoned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t know. He told us you lost touch after the war.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel answered slowly. Thomas had survived an aircraft failure, been captured, and held prisoner until he was released in 1973 with other American servicemen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then why wasn’t I told?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel hesitated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t know. He told us you lost touch after the war.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Lost touch?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Granddad kept your college picture. He remembered your town.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s what he said.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stared at Daniel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How did you find me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Granddad kept your college picture. He remembered your town. I found a school newsletter with your retirement interview, then an article about your memorial visits.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The article named the memorial and said you visited every year on his birthday.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How did you know I’d be here today?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The article named the memorial and said you visited every year on his birthday. This is the closest airport, and there’s only one arrivals exit. I didn’t know which flight you’d take, so I came early.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And you recognized me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“There was a recent picture of you in the retirement interview.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at the photograph again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas had kept it all these years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yes. He asked me to bring you to him.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited for more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought about all the years I’d waited for someone to tell me Thomas was coming home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel lowered his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He’s very sick.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought about all the years I’d waited for someone to tell me Thomas was coming home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now a stranger was telling me he’d been home for decades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did Thomas send you because he was too frightened to face me himself?” I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He said you’d be happy to see him. That you’d both lost so much time.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel shifted uncomfortably.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He said you’d be happy to see him. That you’d both lost so much time.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did he ask whether I’d married? Whether I had children?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No. He mostly wanted to know if you still visited the memorial.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked past him at the people embracing their loved ones near the exit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I called Ruth from the airport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I need to call my sister.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I called Ruth from the airport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Thomas is alive,” I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She went silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then, very quietly, “Eleanor, are you safe?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ruth asked me to come home. I said I needed answers first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I laughed. It was an awful sound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ruth asked me to come home. I said I needed answers first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before leaving, I asked Daniel for his full name, phone number, and the address where he was taking me. I sent everything to Ruth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel drove me to a house forty minutes away. During the ride, he told me Thomas had married a nurse named Margaret. They had two children, including Daniel’s mother. Margaret died three years ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did he ever mention me to your mother?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I watched the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did he remember me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did he ever mention me to your mother?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Not until recently.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I turned toward the window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas was sitting beside the window, a blanket over his knees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel seemed to understand that I didn’t want to hear anything else about his grandfather.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The house had flowers along the walkway and a wooden sign that said GRANDPA’S PLACE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas was sitting beside the window, a blanket over his knees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was eighty, with thin white hair and hands that shook. But I knew his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Eleanor,” he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
None of those imagined moments included another woman’s family photographs on the walls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had imagined hearing my name in his voice a thousand times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
None of those imagined moments included another woman’s family photographs on the walls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He reached toward me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stayed standing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Tell me when you came home.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked at Daniel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You’ve been home more than fifty years.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Could you give us a moment?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No,” I said. “He brought me here. He can hear the answer.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas swallowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“1973.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I calculated the years in a second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did you try to contact me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You’ve been home more than fifty years.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I have.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did you try to contact me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His face tightened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“At first, I meant to.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After his release, he spent months recovering in a military hospital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He explained in broken pieces. After his release, he spent months recovering in a military hospital. Margaret was a nurse there. She stayed after her shifts and listened when he couldn’t sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“She understood what I’d survived,” he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did you tell her about me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you decided not to come back.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked toward a photograph on the mantel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“She became pregnant and I proposed.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat down to keep my legs from giving in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you decided not to come back.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Were you unable to use a telephone?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It wasn’t that simple.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did anyone forbid you from writing?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Were you unable to use a telephone?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Eleanor, please.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Answer me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then it would have been simple enough to send one letter.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then it would have been simple enough to send one letter.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas wiped his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I thought you’d hate me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I might have, but at least I wouldn’t have spent my life waiting for someone who had no intention of coming home.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you let me keep mourning, for 50 years.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said he had written letters he never mailed. He thought I must eventually have married someone else. The longer he waited, the harder it became.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I couldn’t bear to ruin the life I’d built,” he admitted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you let me keep mourning, for 50 years.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your parents knew you came home. They knew where I lived. Why didn’t they tell me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He began crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But there was still something I didn’t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your parents knew you came home. They knew where I lived. Why didn’t they tell me?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas stared at his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“They were notified when I was released. You weren’t listed as my next of kin.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That doesn’t explain why they never called me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I told them I’d written to you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I told them I’d written to you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That you knew I was alive. That you’d told me not to contact you again.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“They believed me. They thought they were respecting your wishes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You told them that?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“They believed me. They thought they were respecting your wishes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You lied to them, too.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He didn’t deny it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You told us she was an old sweetheart who lost touch.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel stood near the door, pale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You told us she was an old sweetheart who lost touch,” he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas whispered, “I didn’t know she was still waiting.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Daniel told me you asked whether I still visited the memorial,” I said. “You knew I hadn’t forgotten you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas lowered his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rebecca saw me and smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A car pulled into the driveway. Daniel’s mother, Rebecca, and his uncle, Peter, came inside carrying groceries. Thomas had apparently invited them for dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rebecca saw me and smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You must be Eleanor. Dad told us his first love was coming. Isn’t this wonderful?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas reached for my hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I remembered every birthday I’d spent speaking to an empty memorial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I hoped we could have some time together,” he said. “Whatever time I have left. Maybe we can finally have our second chance.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For one dangerous second, I remembered the boy sharing his coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I remembered every birthday I’d spent speaking to an empty memorial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas blinked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He knew I believed he was still missing, and he never told me otherwise.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Eleanor, please.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rebecca looked confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Dad said you two were separated by the war.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We were,” I said. “Until he came home.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“What do you mean?” she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peter put down the grocery bags.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your father came home in 1973. He knew I believed he was still missing, and he never told me otherwise.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peter put down the grocery bags.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Dad, is that true?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas whispered, “I was ashamed.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rebecca stared at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I loved Margaret. I love all of you. I was trying to do right by my family.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You let her believe you were dead?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I assumed she’d moved on.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“She didn’t,” Daniel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thomas looked around at their faces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I loved Margaret. I love all of you. I was trying to do right by my family.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m sorry. I thought he’d told me the whole story.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And I wasn’t family,” I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He flinched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You were everything to me once.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Once,” I repeated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel walked me outside. At the car, he stopped and faced me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m sorry. I thought he’d told me the whole story.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I should have asked more questions.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You believed him.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I should have asked more questions.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Now you know to.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked him to take me to the memorial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He drove without turning on the radio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the memorial, I stopped before the stone honoring those who had never come home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took it from my purse and studied our young faces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I placed my white rose at its base.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first time, I didn’t set down our photograph.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took it from my purse and studied our young faces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I did love you,” I whispered. “I won’t apologize for that.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel waited several steps away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I slipped the photograph back into my purse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When Ruth picked me up, she asked what I wanted to do next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the flight home, I saw another plane through the window. My hand moved toward my heart out of habit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I lowered it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When Ruth picked me up, she asked what I wanted to do next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Have dinner with you,” I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then we’ll go to the beach.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Anything else?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yes. I think I’d like to see the ocean.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Then we’ll go to the beach.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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